Thankful for the Journey
It has been a while since I have posted anything. Not because there has been nothing to report about, but because every time I sat down to type...nothing came easy. My brain was overloaded and and I couldn't quite figure out what to say. So, I decided I would just be real, raw, vulnerable with my emotions. Maybe this would be healing in some way. So here are my jumbled thoughts...
The journey looks the same. Eli goes to dialysis every other day. He goes to school till 3:30pm then diaylsis 4-7:30pm on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. We have gotten used to the routine now. But just when we feel like we have this thing figured out we are hit with another arrow to our hearts. Our sweet seventeen year old nephew's life tragically ended on Nov. 1st. The call you dread. The news you are not prepared to hear because minutes earlier your life is going along as usual.
"Wait, go back, go back. This can't be. NO!!" Your brain is trying to figure it all out. How is this possible?!? And then when you realize it is not a cruel joke, the tears flow. And then you have to get it together to deliver the news to your children...that their cousin, Cooper, is no longer with us. And then the tears start over again.
It has taken me a while to sort all this out in my head. To be honest with you I had a "God really?!" kind of attitude for a hot second. Then I was able to go back to what I know about God.
I went back in my journal and read the September 11th entry (the day we found out about Eli's condition) and October 31st (the day before we found out about Cooper)...
What I know..
1. I don't know why bad things happen, but I KNOW that HIS KINGDOM is an EVERLASTING kingdom and He is weaving everything together for His good purpose.
2. This is not our home. This is such a small sliver of time and space that God has chosen to use us for His praise and honor.
3. I KNOW that no matter what comes our way we will not stumble if we are certain of our calling and choosing.
I am choosing to be THANKFUL today for the things I KNOW about God and for the journey. The journey is hard at times but sweet with Jesus.
Speaking of the sweetness of Jesus...It looks like we may have a living donor for Eli! Praise!! We got a match for a kidney but she still has to do some more testing at Vanderbilt to confirm. So, my heart is guarded but wanted to let you all know so that you could be praying. We should know for sure early December.
I have been hesitant to allow myself to get excited but finally came to the place of, "even if this is not the one, I will praise You Lord!" Just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego said before being thrown in the fire, "But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O King, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Daniel 3:18.
Even if God didn't deliver them from the fire, they were still going to praise HIM!
Why?!
Because they knew their God so well that they were able to stand for Him no matter!
Oh that I would know Him that way!
The journey! The journey teaches us about Him. Oh that I would be forever listening to what God has to say on the journey.
Thanks for joining the journey with us!
Thankful for these goofballs in my life!
